originally composed 14 september 2008
since writing "circles" much has happened to my life. and i have realised that a lot of what i said way back when (oh so long ago) was more accurate than i necessarily intended. and so i've done some thinking, a little writing, and a great deal of getting to know people (people as an entity rather than individual people - though i have played a little with that too) and i have come to a few realisations. i won't share them all now, but for today i wanted to share an experience. or rather share my experiences of an experience which now, sadly, you cannot experience.
myself and two of the most superb examples i could ask for of people who LIVE rather than merely exist, went last night and experienced life more fully, i think, than i have for a long while.
it was by far one of the best nights of my life and for no better reason than because we just stopped caring for a few hours. and that's not in a negative way - it's just that all that mattered was that we were alive. quite simply living together. that we were with fantastic people in an incredible environment having an amazing time. the worries - indeed even the very thoughts of what might happen tomorrow or what the rest of the world was up to vanished in a cloud of pure fun. of course there were rules in place but the kind of rules you don't need to say or write down or even think about. the ones you always have in your head to keep the fun times as fun as they can possibly be.
but the other rules - the rules of the real world - we broke with joy. we stole, we lied, we manipulated and offended those who saw our freedom but couldn't quite catch hold of it. those who put on smiles instead of wearing the ones that should be there all along. the people who try desperately to escape their true natures by telling themselves they must be wild or they must be hedonistic when really they find more happiness in an open fire with a fine book if only they'd be content with their selves!
tonight was for us - for me and my friends and those like us. tonight was for people who don't look for fun but let it find them. people who know that decadence is not perversion. people who know that it is what is on the inside AND the outside that counts. people who know who they are. we are who we want to be. and for one night we were ourselves in completion. no one else knew any better and why should we limit ourselves to the everyday? or force ourselves into the grotesque? leave that to those who are pretending to be free. and leave reality to tomorrow. for one night we were refined visions of ourselves free of the expectations, demands and impositions of others.
for one night we were invincible. we were unstoppable. we were incredible.
sempre viva
mikeyb x
17 February 2010
8 February 2010
circles
originally composed 10 august 2008
it's odd how my last year at university has ended so similarly to my first. i'm back in golders green/brent cross with no money, no job and friends flung across the globe seemingly having a thousand times more fun than me.
ok so i'm a much more together person nowadays with a much better outlook on life. i know that everything works out for the best in the end and not to hold onto or rail against things i can't do anything about... but i'm still a bit worried that i'll never quite get a grip on life - that it'll always be slightly too far out of my control to let me relax entirely...
in short - i don't think i'm really ready for the responsibilities of adulthood. taxes, budgets, full-time employment: all the serious stuff that no one ever really warns you about but that comes and smacks you in the face pretty damn hard right at the least convenient moment...
and the bureaucracy! bloody hell! how many forms can i fill in?! and no, i don't have a passport - therefore no wages, no bank account, no house... all because i don't think i'll be leaving the country any time soon!
in these days of political upheaval, social unrest, and administrative megalomania there seems to be no place for the people who just want to have fun. just live life how it should be lived - happily.
this is a problem.
nearly everything costs something. charities need money. to help people not die. that costs money. helping people not die costs money. there is a price on life. getting away from the city to see real nature and life costs quite a lot of money too. seeing the horizon costs money.
people don't talk to each other. you can sit in a train or bus surrounded by so many other bored people who would probably quite like a chat and yet everyone sits silently. no one smiles in the streets. no one wishes each other a good day. no one shares the joke they just made up or their ideas or hypotheses or their stories.
and nobody looks up. yeah people look up at the traffic lights or at the signs in piccadilly or at edinburgh's castle or the CN tower. but look further. see the world you live in. look at the roofs of buildings. look higher and see the trees the clouds the sun the stars.
climb.
get higher and see how your perspective changes. go to the top floor of the building you're in and see the streets around you. see the shapes they make.
find the connections.
find people you want to watch and watch them until you can't any more.
know your surroundings and know the people who surround you.
find the details. find the railing that doesn't match the others, and the window that's a little smaller than the rest. see the two people walking right by each other wearing the same outfit. notice their reaction. notice your reaction.
find shapes. find the four people standing in the corners of a perfect imaginary square. find the triangles all over the sky. go and make shapes. go find a space and spin in circles. take a friend. take a hundred!
find the things in your world that make you smile and find them often. look for them. make them happen. if you don't then who will? wake up and wake others up too. take them by the hand and show them what you see. show them your world and then ask to see theirs.
we live in an incredible world and hardly anyone seems to notice or even care any more. change this.
there is more to life than existence.
buenavibra
mikeyb x
it's odd how my last year at university has ended so similarly to my first. i'm back in golders green/brent cross with no money, no job and friends flung across the globe seemingly having a thousand times more fun than me.
ok so i'm a much more together person nowadays with a much better outlook on life. i know that everything works out for the best in the end and not to hold onto or rail against things i can't do anything about... but i'm still a bit worried that i'll never quite get a grip on life - that it'll always be slightly too far out of my control to let me relax entirely...
in short - i don't think i'm really ready for the responsibilities of adulthood. taxes, budgets, full-time employment: all the serious stuff that no one ever really warns you about but that comes and smacks you in the face pretty damn hard right at the least convenient moment...
and the bureaucracy! bloody hell! how many forms can i fill in?! and no, i don't have a passport - therefore no wages, no bank account, no house... all because i don't think i'll be leaving the country any time soon!
in these days of political upheaval, social unrest, and administrative megalomania there seems to be no place for the people who just want to have fun. just live life how it should be lived - happily.
this is a problem.
nearly everything costs something. charities need money. to help people not die. that costs money. helping people not die costs money. there is a price on life. getting away from the city to see real nature and life costs quite a lot of money too. seeing the horizon costs money.
people don't talk to each other. you can sit in a train or bus surrounded by so many other bored people who would probably quite like a chat and yet everyone sits silently. no one smiles in the streets. no one wishes each other a good day. no one shares the joke they just made up or their ideas or hypotheses or their stories.
and nobody looks up. yeah people look up at the traffic lights or at the signs in piccadilly or at edinburgh's castle or the CN tower. but look further. see the world you live in. look at the roofs of buildings. look higher and see the trees the clouds the sun the stars.
climb.
get higher and see how your perspective changes. go to the top floor of the building you're in and see the streets around you. see the shapes they make.
find the connections.
find people you want to watch and watch them until you can't any more.
know your surroundings and know the people who surround you.
find the details. find the railing that doesn't match the others, and the window that's a little smaller than the rest. see the two people walking right by each other wearing the same outfit. notice their reaction. notice your reaction.
find shapes. find the four people standing in the corners of a perfect imaginary square. find the triangles all over the sky. go and make shapes. go find a space and spin in circles. take a friend. take a hundred!
find the things in your world that make you smile and find them often. look for them. make them happen. if you don't then who will? wake up and wake others up too. take them by the hand and show them what you see. show them your world and then ask to see theirs.
we live in an incredible world and hardly anyone seems to notice or even care any more. change this.
there is more to life than existence.
buenavibra
mikeyb x
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